Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Approaching Our Dotage--by KazzaBP

I’ve been pondering age, lately. My age. And I’ve come to realize something.
I’m getting old.

There are all kinds of clues. Wrinkles where there never used to be any. Gray hair that re-sprouts exponentially every time I pluck one. Arms that aren’t quite long enough to allow me to read the newspaper. A child who is approaching thirty.

One of the most telling signs, though, is how I am perceived by others. Young men never, ever flirt with me anymore. Instead, they call me Mrs. Pease. And old men flirt with me all the time. They call me honey, darlin’ and my favorite, which just came my way today: baby doll.

Hehehe. I am so far from being a ‘baby doll’, it’s not funny. Well, it is. Because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry. He was eighty if he was a day…

Yep, I’m getting old. There’s no denying it. But I find comfort in many things--the first of which is–-my friends are getting older too. In fact, one of my dearest friends is about to catch up with me, once more. Jack Ramsay–-brilliant blogger, author extraordinaire, husband, builder, brother and best friend–-is having a birthday this week. For the next five months, he will be every bit as old as I am.

And I intend to rub it in.

Jack is a strange combination of mature, responsible man, and pain-in-the-ass kid-at-heart. He is full of sage advice one minute; giving words of wisdom and citing common-sense snippets designed to improve the world around him… and the next, he’s spouting potty-mouth and tee-heeing over the asinine and ridiculous.

It’s a combination I love, and one that is bound to keep him mentally healthy for years and years to come.

And that’s a good thing, for his body is falling apart all around him.

Now that Jack is approaching his dotage, there are subtle changes in his life and his life-style. He used to play rugby and tussle with the staunchest of adversaries. Now he watches the game from an easy chair and shakes his fist petulantly when he takes umbrage at a call. His grocery bags used to contain items such as curry chicken, beer and even the occasional bottle of Scotch. Now, he unpacks antacids, prune juice and—dare I say it?

You know… I really don’t! Because Jack–-even as he gets decrepit and stooped, even as his eyebrows begin to resemble thatched eaves and his whiskers get all gray–-is still a spirited son of a gun. He still gets wrathy, still gets wild, still gets EVEN! I’ve learned my lesson there! No way am I going to mention his incontinence pants! No way in hell!

Oh, I could go on and on about the not-so-graceful aging of one of my best friends. I could mention the hemorrhoids, the corns and the bunions and the bi-focals. But I won’t, because that would be mean, and I’ve a strict policy against elder abuse. Besides, I’m about to sneeze. And at Jack’s and my age, that can have disastrous consequences.

Happy birthday, Boy. And welcome. It's not so bad...


  1. Hoi, Mrs!

    I'm as sprightly now as I ever was! Why, just the other day I managed to tie my own shoe laces. I was heading down that way anyway, having dropped my Mogadon pills...but that's beside the point.

    Pfft. Thanks. What the hell happened to 'I'll keep it quiet, Jack. Trust me, Jack - I won't tell anyone...' ??

    Thanking you. :)

  2. I most certainly did not ever say I wouldn't tell anyone! Don't tell me you're going senile, too?

    Aw, come on. Birthdays are to be celebrated! You're lucky to be having one, for what's the alternative? Despite the high cost of living, most people are choosing to do so!

    Have a great day when it comes!


  3. Okay... I was just called 'ma'am' by a thirty-three year old man who wondered if I had a daughter or niece who was single, liked the outdoors, and wasn't a Democrat. And I thought, at first, that he was flirting with ME.

    Why'd you have to get so old and drag me along with you, anyway? Some things aren't meant to be shared... :o)>

    P.S. I'm borrowing our very first two blog entries on DUD for a friend. Our wisdom and experience has to be good for something, ay?

  4. Wisdom? Dunno about yours, but mine isn't worth the TP it's written on...


    Borrow away.