Sunday, October 18, 2009

American Football--What a DUD! (by Karen Bessey Pease)

I think I’m in love.

And the best place I can think of to gush about this new-found adoration is here on Down Under Dunder, my pal Jack’s blog.

I’ve been in love before. The first infatuation I can recall was with Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man. Then, as a teenager, I was enthralled with horses--most particularly, McDuff, my blue roan Appaloosa. Into my twenties, I had the hots for Thomas Magnum, of Magnum, P.I. And as I matured towards my thirties, I flipped for Mr. Bessey Pease. (By the way, my husband does not come when he’s called by that name, so you’d be wasting your breath to try. At fifty years old, he’s barely housebroken, and rarely even lays down on command.)

Now… here I am in my forties. Middle aged. Like old McDuff, I’ve gotten long in the tooth. My days of fantasizing that I could run off into the sunset with my bionic dream man are a thing the past. (I still like to make that distinctly bionical, percussion-like sound when I run, though…)

What?????? Aw, c’mon!

Anyway, my new-found love is not for a man, or even a large and noble animal. (And those were, of course, completely different kinds of love. Just thought I should be clear on that…) Nope, my most recent fancy is for a game. A game where there is not just one handsome man to look at…but a whole slew of ‘em! Well-built men…men who are dressed in short shorts and have thighs like those of a Greek god.

Ah, RUGBY!!!

You understand that I am a Mainer, from the United States. The most north-eastern state in the Union. Baseball, hotdogs, apple pies and Chevrolets…that’s what little American girls are made of.

We have our own version of football up here, which is all I was acquainted with until recently. I am a fan of the New England Patriots. I’ve been known, on occasion, to have the patience to watch—for four hours straight--a game that should only last a little more than one hour. I’ve even managed to do so without screaming in frustration. Without cancelling my satellite dish subscription, or cussing too loudly, or swearing off the game forever. But see….American football was all I’d known.

Not so, anymore!

I’ve just had the pleasure of watching some awesome DVDs. Wallaby Wonders. A Decade of the Super 12s. Rugby League’s Greatest Tries of the Century. And I’ve gotta say….Rugby beats the socks off American football! And without a doubt, Rugby uniform socks are MUCH prettier than their American counterparts, too!

Naturally, I’m feeling a bit of guilt, here. Feeling like a traitor to all men with massive shoulder pads, heavy helmets and over-sized cups. But I’m an honest woman—usually to my detriment—and there is no doubt about it-- Rugby makes football look like a game for sissies.

I did NOT just say that!!! Not, not, not!!! I am a loyal American, and would never utter such blasphemous words! This is Jack Ramsay’s blog, and he must have snuck in here and tinkered with the intent of my statement, and censored my words before publication…

What I said is this: Those pro football players need to shuck some clothing and accessories!! To keep my interest from now on, they need to slide along the turf on the skin of their knees instead of the padded upholstery they currently protect themselves with. They need referees who aren’t dropping flags right and left, but who let the game be played despite the potential for bone-crushing boo-boos or slight infractions of the rules. Football players need to doff those huge helmets and let their fans see the agony on their faces when they’re tackled, or the euphoria that lights them when they’ve made a touchdown. (I know, I know…it’s called a ‘try’ here on DUD. Excuse me…I’m still a novice to the game.) Yup, to ensure my enthusiasm for the sport, the NFL players need to toughen up, and they need to undress! Grrr!

Of course, that’s just one American woman’s opinion. But I’m an honest American woman, and I think I’m in love.

Ah, rugby!


  1. was only a matter of time.

    Rugby, rugby, rugby - a game played by men with funny shaped balls...and women WITH balls....

    On the field it's all blood and bluster, but off the field it's all blood and bluster.

    And beer.

    Yes, rugby is the haven of the beerbelly; the naked fat guy/guyess 'dancing' on the barstool to the detriment of some family's steak and ale pie; the classy lady in black tights (panty...what are they called?...hoes? you Overpondians) and white high heels.

    Ah, yes. Rugby. Never ruined a marriage; never led to an unexpected child.


    Hey - where the heck did you get the DVDs? I want some!! :-)

    I've seen Scotland beat France at Parc des Princes; I've seen New Zealand's finest hacka against Tonga's best (that's a sight to see...); and I've watched the Scots beat the English to wrest the grand slam from them (last century, admittedly, but it happened). And the best moment I've ever had in rugby was when some Flight Sergeant in the RAF tore my ligaments for me.



    Welcome, Kazza. The oval world has been expecting you....

  2. I've gotta say... I liked that wee Georgie Gregen!

    And David Campese ain't too shabby, either...

    Ah, Rugby!

    Where ya been all my life?

  3. Hi there, Jack.

    Off topic from rugby, but...

    I noticed your "Members Only" stipulation in this comments section, and I know it was prompted by a comment left by a young person whose web page link was inappropriate. I thought this news article from Brisbane was apropros... young people are often using the internet for activities that are questionable, at best. That turns this wonderful resource into something that can be dangerous... and that's too bad.

    Just wanted you to know that I appreciate your prompt and proactive response. Sometimes it takes responsible adults to save young people from themselves.

    Article from The Brisbane Times:

    Principals to assemble over cyber bullies
    October 25, 2009 .
    SCHOOL principals have been called to a conference on cyber-bullying with the Federal Government.

    The increasing incidence of cyber-bullying has prompted widespread attention, including a recent call by the federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick to extend harassment laws to cover schoolyard bullies.

    Education Minister Julia Gillard will meet 150 primary and secondary school principals in Canberra next month to discuss cyber-bullying and other student welfare issues. ''This has emerged as a serious issue in many schools across the country,'' Ms Gillard said.

    The effectiveness of a $3 million pilot program to counteract cyber-bullying will be discussed...

    Ms Gillard wants to hear from principals about ''the challenges they are facing on the ground''.

    The Federal Government is keen to step up its involvement in education, an area of strength for Labor heading into an election year.

  4. Hey, Jack!

    Good morning from the northern hemisphere! I realize you're abed now, all the way Down I'm taking advantage of that fact and doing a bit of 'cross-blogging'.

    I just thought I'd let you know that, sadly, you did NOT win the 'Name That Caption' contest on Grumbles and Grins. No, surprisingly--as exceptional a writer as you creative and witty and was someone else's entry which won the grand prize--a custom poem written by the Backwoods Bard.

    I guess you'll have to wait before seeing first-hand the latent poetic genius contained within this Sage of Somerset County.

    Better luck next time, pal.

    Heh. ;o)